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File 134287573878.jpg - (421.55KB , 750x600 , 24768407.jpg )
52959 No. 52959 edit
What makes literature interesting is that it does not survive its translation. The characters in a novel are made out of the sentences. That's what their substance is.
Expand all images
>> No. 52960 edit
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52960
Hi.
>> No. 52961 edit
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52961
>> No. 52962 edit
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52962
I think mermaids are sluts, I don't know if you agree with me but I can't see them as innocent frolicking denizens of the sea.

Have you seen a mermaid rot to death? I saw one rot in a bathtub before, with pus and stuff spewing out.
>> No. 52963 edit
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52963
Hi.
>> No. 52964 edit
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52964
Cake, remember that raped bunny VN? I found the name of it, 素晴らしき日々~不連続存在~.

Apparently it's partially translated as well.
>> No. 52965 edit
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52965
>>52964
Fuck yes! Time for bunny rape!
>> No. 52966 edit
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52966
So anyway, in episode 1, Genji tells Natsuhi that, before coming to tell her about it, he went to tell Krauss that Gohda was missing and that therefore breakfast wasn't being prepared, only to find Krauss missing too.

However, it is stressed throughout the episode that Natsuhi is in charge of the house's kitchen, as most people are probably aware. There's a memorable scene where she tries to order Eva out of the room under this authority, which results in the hired womb insult. It makes Natsuhi look beyond pathetic.

I find it hard to believe that Genji would tell Krauss about a problem in the kitchen first, when Natsuhi is explicitly in charge of that. With this in mind, the aforementioned scene with Eva and Natsuhi might have been intentionally over the top just to ensure the fact that Natsuhi is in charge of the kitchen is noted by the reader.

It's possible that this was supposed to be a hint to suggest that Genji is working with the culprit, which we know he was. He didn't check on Krauss at all, he just wants it to be quickly established that the people who have been killed are missing so things can proceed. After all, he mentions that Rosa, Kyrie and Rudolf can't be found immediately following this.

As a side note, Hideyoshi, who must have also been working with Yasu given the situation with Shannon's corpse, immediately mentions upon encountering Natsuhi that he heard Gohda would be making breakfast. Eva, who is with him, also jokes about this. Although you can't call this a clue at all, Hideyoshi must know that Gohda is dead, and is trying to work the conversation in the same direction as Genji.
>> No. 52967 edit
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52967
>>52966
Are you talking about that Umineko thing? I always thought it was just a myth.

>>52964
She reminds me of Agrias. I'm interested.
>> No. 52968 edit
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52968
>>52967
>> No. 52969 edit
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52969
>>52967
Who?
>> No. 52970 edit
>>52966
How sagely.
>> No. 52971 edit
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52971
>>52968
Poor Piece~

>>52962
>>52964
You have some weird and messed-up tastes~
>> No. 52972 edit
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52972
>>52969
That girl you posted.
>> No. 52973 edit
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52973
>>52971
I don't tease you about your taste in girls, you know.

>>52972
Princess Lover, Sylvie van Hossen. There's an anime and VN.
>> No. 52974 edit
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52974
>>52973
Oh~? I wonder what that means~
>> No. 52975 edit
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52975
>>52974
Sooner or later, your yuri tendencies will flow out into the 3D world and defile the pure and innocent females that you encounter everyday,

Speaking of yuri, you have been following up on Yuru Yuri S2, have you?
>> No. 52976 edit
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52976
>>52975
Yup! Yuru Yuri S2 and Eureka Seven AO are the only two anime I'm following at the moment~
>> No. 52977 edit
>>52975
>Defile
more like save from impure men
>> No. 52978 edit
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52978
>>52975
Nobuna is the best girl.
>> No. 52979 edit
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52979
>>52976
I prefer the second season's OP to the first one, particularly the finger pointing part. The latest episode was quite angsty though.
It's amazing how that psp survived the door.

>>52977
By popping their cherries first?

>>52978
Rubbish.
>> No. 52980 edit
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52980
>>52979
Last episode was a bit more serious in tone than the previous ones, but it's okay because it was still pretty light-hearted~ As long as they don't pull that too often~
>> No. 52981 edit
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52981
>>52979
Oh and 素晴らしき日々~不連続存在~ is considered a masterpiece. I'm waiting for the translation of that actually. Raped bunny though? Wtf is that about?
>> No. 52982 edit
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52982
>>52980
Chitose is the one with weird and messed-up tastes, being a 24/7 blood fountain and smooch demon.

>>52981
I'm looking for links to get the game now since Chapter 1 is translated actually.
>> No. 52983 edit
>>52982
Wow, it's hard to find.
>> No. 52984 edit
>>52983
I'm torrent.

Oy kuma, give me your Ps3 savedata for Orochi so I can unlock all characters on my psp.
>> No. 52986 edit
Did I seriously just stay up until 3 AM playing Persona 4.
>> No. 52987 edit
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52987
>>52982
I dunno, I find Chitose's antics cute~
>> No. 52988 edit
>>52966
:O
>> No. 52989 edit
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52989
Wow. That Slender game really is scary. It's rare that I get this kind of feeling from a game, especially considering it's a free game made by indies. Maybe I shouldn't have willingly looked at Slenderman, but that death sequence was pretty cool to see.
>> No. 52990 edit
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52990
Just so you know, the first chapter of SubaHibi is completely different from the rest of the VN. It actually starts off kinda slow and confusing, with philosophy talks out the ass and a plot that's just a combination of 20 different cliches.
I only made it a tiny part of the way through "It's My Own Invention" in Japanese, but it does start to improve by then at least.
>> No. 52991 edit
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52991
Meanwhile, at an Evangelion stream:

Seraphim_zera: >2nd Impact happens this year

So true.
>> No. 52992 edit
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52992
>>52990
Got a download link?
>> No. 52993 edit
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52993
>>52992
http://www.mediafire.com/?w613tcfq7pttv

That one should work.
>> No. 52994 edit
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52994
>>52993
Thank you!
>> No. 52995 edit
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52995
>>52966
Yes, I remember the hired womb scene, but I don't remember this about Natsuhi being in charge of the Kitchen. About Hideyoshi/Eva accomplices, well I still find it hard to believe they would be bought to kill their family. In that extra episode I think Yasu got some adults, but they were supposed to be fake murders.
>> No. 52996 edit
Just ask super detective Butler.
>> No. 52997 edit
>>52996
reported for viral marketing
>> No. 52998 edit
>>52997
hi
>> No. 52999 edit
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52999
>>52998
hi how you
>> No. 53000 edit
>>52999
how r u
>> No. 53001 edit
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53001
>>53000
im fine howu
>> No. 53002 edit
>>53001
no you are terrible
>> No. 53003 edit
>>53002
ok ;_;
>> No. 53004 edit
>>53001
wats up
>> No. 53005 edit
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53005
>>53002
Don't bully Anon-kun. Poor of him. All this furnitures questions already torment him.
>> No. 53006 edit
I'm hibernate through weekend.
>> No. 53007 edit
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53007
>>53006
Does this mean we won't see you for two days ?
>> No. 53008 edit
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53008
>> No. 53009 edit
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53009
>>53008
>> No. 53010 edit
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53010
>>53009
>> No. 53011 edit
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53011
>>53010
>> No. 53012 edit
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53012
>>53011
>> No. 53013 edit
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53013
>>53012
>> No. 53014 edit
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53014
>>53013
>> No. 53015 edit
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53015
>>53014
>> No. 53016 edit
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53016
>>53015
>> No. 53017 edit
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53017
heer u go bir geez
>> No. 53018 edit
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53018
>>53016
Shit, running out of pictures.
>> No. 53019 edit
>>53017
moe
>> No. 53020 edit
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53020
>>53018
>> No. 53021 edit
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53021
>>53020
>> No. 53022 edit
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53022
>>53021
>> No. 53023 edit
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53023
>> No. 53024 edit
>>53017
omg so fk cute!!!!!!!
>> No. 53025 edit
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53025
look dis moe ygo card
>> No. 53026 edit
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53026
>> No. 53027 edit
>>53025
its great ne i use madolches now loool beating enemies with pastries
>> No. 53028 edit
>>53027
that happy festa card they got is crazy good but im a faget and play nothing but verz these days
>> No. 53029 edit
>>53001
>>53005
tis iz liek my umeinico vn.
>> No. 53030 edit
>>53029
ure lurning ^_^

>>53028
happy festa sux lol im run it at 0
>> No. 53031 edit
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53031
>>53025
oh man, it is so cute. I want 90 of them.
>> No. 53033 edit
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53033
>> No. 53034 edit
>>53026
>image
???
>> No. 53035 edit
>>53034
http://mikeinel.deviantart.com/gallery/?q=Misha#/d3jgo32
>> No. 53036 edit
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53036
hi seacats
>> No. 53037 edit
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53037
>>53033
>[Commie]
>> No. 53038 edit
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53038
>>53034
Mishamishamishamishamishamishamishamishamishamisha
>> No. 53039 edit
>>53007
Yes, yes it does.
>> No. 53040 edit
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53040
>>53035
>deviantart
>> No. 53041 edit
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53041
>>53040
>> No. 53043 edit
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53043
>>53036
Hi Bern, how have you been?
>> No. 53044 edit
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53044
>>53037
>> No. 53045 edit
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53045
>>53041
>> No. 53046 edit
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53046
>>53044
Umm.. okay! I'm going back to bed anyway, wanna come?
>> No. 53048 edit
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53048
>>53046
>> No. 53049 edit
>>53036
hi

why are you post once every other day only?
>> No. 53050 edit
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53050
>> No. 53051 edit
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53051
>>53049
I didn't realize there was a pattern.
>> No. 53052 edit
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53052
Warped thoughts of a dyke.
>> No. 53053 edit
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53053
>>53051
Bern ignores me.
>> No. 53054 edit
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53054
>>53053
sry I wasn't sure if you were here.

im gud u
>> No. 53055 edit
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53055
>>53054
Exhausted from storms keeping me up all night, and cleaning all day long. Other than feeling dead, good.
>> No. 53056 edit
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53056
>>53055
ur ded huh thats gud.
>> No. 53057 edit
>>53050
omg beto i fk love u!
>> No. 53058 edit
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53058
>>53057
>> No. 53059 edit
>>53058
): dis make me fk sad man
>> No. 53060 edit
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53060
>>53059
>> No. 53061 edit
>>53060
omg ur not wir kz i lav u
>> No. 53062 edit
>>53058
That damn scene.
>>53061
moe
>> No. 53063 edit
I want to be known as an artist.
>> No. 53064 edit
>>53063
den wat u gona do about it
>> No. 53065 edit
>>53064
AM I NOT DRAWING HARD ENOUGH!? ;_;
>> No. 53066 edit
>>53065
you need to study too
>> No. 53067 edit
>>53066
o ok
>> No. 53068 edit
Omg hom now *・゜゚・*:.。..。.:*・'(*゚▽゚*)'・*:.。. .。.:*・゜゚・*
>> No. 53069 edit
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53069
>>53068
hi kumama how uuuuuuuuu
>> No. 53070 edit
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53070
im aion nsted of slep
>> No. 53071 edit
>>53070
I'm playing on my secret account too.
>> No. 53072 edit
>>53069
Im gud u??
>> No. 53073 edit
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53073
>>53070
I'm making endless money.
>> No. 53074 edit
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53074
.....
Uh oh.
>> No. 53075 edit
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53075
>>52995
That's true, in Our Confessions Yasu gets people to cooperate under the pretense that the murders are fake, when really they aren't. It even says the servants are following the same assumption, but personally I don't think Genji is.

So Eva and Hideyoshi, or perhaps just Hideyoshi, could believe he's moving the fake murder mystery along, rather than the real one. Although, I think that if Hideyoshi was in on something, Eva would be too.

As for the in charge of the kitchen thing, I can't tell you how many times I've read episode 1, so I can't forget that detail. Especially because of that scene. What makes Natsuhi think she can order Eva around because she handles the kitchen? It's silly, even for her.

As another note, I remember someone noticing a long time ago that we never in episode 1 see Kumasawa informed that the first twilight has occurred, even though she acts like she knows about it. She, along with Maria, wasn't present when the corpses were discovered. And the next time she's mentioned, she's rushing to tell everyone that she saw blood in the dining room. Once they arrive there, everyone's talking about the murders, but she never says a word.

It doesn't seem right that she would be told about it without the reader being shown, so this could have been another hint that Kumasawa was in on the plot, and slipped up by acting with knowledge she shouldn't possess.
>> No. 53076 edit
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53076
>>53074
>>53075
Oh darn. I see.
Could I get this link to the sound patch?
>> No. 53077 edit
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53077
>>53076
http://uminekofix.wikia.com/wiki/Tweaking_Umineko_Wiki

I'll warn you, it's a pain to download.
>> No. 53078 edit
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53078
>spanish
>other languages
>> No. 53079 edit
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53079
Actually, I need to download EP4 first. I hope this torrent works.
>> No. 53080 edit
hey rup did u find links for dat vn???
>> No. 53081 edit
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53081
>>53078
Heh, I thought it might have been.
>> No. 53082 edit
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53082
I'm totally evading those terrible sprites.
>> No. 53083 edit
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53083
Wa ha~
>> No. 53084 edit
>>53083
hihi
>> No. 53085 edit
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53085
>>53082
I think the "0.99b UPDATED Sprite+CG Arc (arc1.nsa) (Necessary)" is the one you don't need to download. Despite those Alchemist lovers saying it's "necessary." I have it in my folder, but it's renamed, so it shouldn't be in use.

Instead, get the arc2, arc3 and arc4, then rename them to arc1, arc2 and arc3 respectively. That's how I have it. Of course, you need the main folder as well.
>> No. 53086 edit
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53086
>>53085
I see, it kinda hurt my anti-alchemist pride but actually some of the CGs look okay. Had they worked with Ryucakes with the sprites I guess they could have done a better work.
>> No. 53087 edit
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53087
>>53086
Well, I've only seen a handful of the CGs. And since they're in the same arc as the sprites, using them is out of the question.

Although, I did consider extracting the arc, replacing all the new sprites with copies of the old ones, and seeing if I could get it to work with the old sprites and CGs that way. Kinjo could probably do it, but he's a dirty race traitor.
>> No. 53088 edit
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53088
>>53084
Still clinging to the old and busted R07 sprites, are we~
>> No. 53089 edit
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53089
On second thought, it's not worth putting the CGs in for the ones that are fine, considering the rest. There's even a couple that are just edits the sprites and backgrounds put together.
>> No. 53090 edit
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53090
>>53088
Indeed.
>>53087
Well, EP4 download is like at 65%, but I don't think I will manage to download the rest before I sleep.
>> No. 53091 edit
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53091
>>53090
Like I said, the patch itself is a real pain to download.

Shouldn't you have episode 4 installed already? How shameful.
>> No. 53092 edit
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53092
>>53091
I just formated my PC ok. I only saved EP8 and Ougon on my second drive.
>> No. 53093 edit
Nerds.
>> No. 53094 edit
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53094
hi
>> No. 53096 edit
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53096
>>53094
Give Orochi ps3 savedata.
>> No. 53097 edit
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53097
>Lemma Soft talking that "GxB getting more attention = myth"
I feel like writing a WIP thread like a total newb and make it GxB with a horribly standard plot and horribly standard characters and acquire results. Surely there'll be interest!

---

hi guys i'm new xD so bear with me but i have a visual novel idea
>> No. 53098 edit
File 132861896833.png - (130.85KB , 295x600 , shizu_adjust_happy.png )
53098
>>53097
Kaede Oshizuru is a 16-year-old girl at a local college and she wants to find a boyfriend... but will she be able to confess to the boy of her dreams on valentine's day?!?! :O!

Ryou Tachizuki is the perfect school idol. His grades are top-notch, he's great at sports and he's nice to boot!! Everyone wants to date him, will Kaede be able to beat the rest of the crowd...?!?! And is there more to Ryou than meets the eye? :O!!

Taeki Moshimon is your best friend he's kind of a klutz and shy but super nice. Maybe... Kaede can date her best friend instead?! :O! Except what if Taeki is only pretending to be klutz...??
>> No. 53099 edit
File 132871695734.png - (112.43KB , 295x600 , shizu_behind_smile.png )
53099
>>53098
The VN is callt "Valentine Confession" and it's about confessing on Valentine's day, it'll have 1 hour of gameplay and lots of choices so you can romance one of the two guys... I might add more if there's interest...

pls let me know what you think
>> No. 53100 edit
File 133902610036.png - (236.34KB , 283x716 , modern misha.png )
53100
>>53099
I'd be scared more by the sentence arrangement and punctuation and the fact that such a person is writing a VN than anything else.

But maybe that's what passes for acceptable in English VN circles? I don't know the culture~
>> No. 53101 edit
File 132862026489.png - (129.73KB , 295x600 , shizu_adjust_smug.png )
53101
>>53100
It's clever playing with the English language to invite those who have commentary complexes to give such standard comments as "make sure to proofread!" but feel a social need to express interest as well lest their commentary is not valid!
>> No. 53102 edit
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53102
>> No. 53103 edit
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53103
>>53098

Are you the person who writes shoujo manga summaries on batoto.
>> No. 53104 edit
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53104
>>53103
I see my fame spreads.
>> No. 53105 edit
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53105
>>53104
>> No. 53106 edit
Goddammit, Piece.
>> No. 53107 edit
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53107
>>53106
>> No. 53108 edit
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53108
>>53099
Sounds like something I would drop.
>> No. 53109 edit
>>53097
omg but i m gonna doi dast
>> No. 53110 edit
File 134063181430.jpg - (50.85KB , 1280x720 , snapshot_12_37.jpg )
53110
I'm coming down with a cold, great.
>> No. 53111 edit
>>53110
): hop u gt beter
>> No. 53112 edit
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53112
>>53110
take care ne!!

>>53111
hi choccc
>> No. 53113 edit
>>53112
hhi
>> No. 53114 edit
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53114
>>53113
hi is burger gud??
>> No. 53115 edit
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53115
>>53111
>>53112
:(
>> No. 53116 edit
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53116
>>53097
>>53098
>>53099
Goddamn it, Riri.
>>53110
Don't die, ok.
>>53102
It seems like he's totally laughting at us.
>> No. 53117 edit
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53117
>>53110
Take care ok ? Dying is tiresome, it's not worth it. I can testify for that.
>> No. 53118 edit
y play aion
>> No. 53119 edit
File 132862026489.png - (129.73KB , 295x600 , shizu_adjust_smug.png )
53119
>>53116
You magnificent manipulative mehican, you know you want to "play" it.
>> No. 53120 edit
File 129617170897.png - (15.61KB , 217x157 , kanonheh_ib4f.png )
53120
>>53119
I would totally play it, that's of course if you were the one to write it.
>> No. 53121 edit
File 132861896833.png - (130.85KB , 295x600 , shizu_adjust_happy.png )
53121
>>53120
You must have low standards to read anything I write.
>> No. 53122 edit
File 129592041964.png - (27.71KB , 700x700 , kan_majimea3.png )
53122
>>53121
Wouldn't you do the same?
>> No. 53123 edit
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53123
>>53121

But aren't you a hidoi specialist?
>> No. 53124 edit
kitty is missng D:
>> No. 53125 edit
File 13287155288.png - (114.27KB , 295x600 , shizu_basic_happy.png )
53125
>>53122
I'll be honest. I do not read works by people I like only because the person that wrote it is someone I like. F'rinstance, I haven't read Rosa's Visual Novel even though I like him as a person. It did not appeal to me. (Sorry!)

I think the person who wrote it is independent of whether the story appeals to someone, so it seems rather low standard to accept a story and read it "because of who it is".

I want to appeal to you guys based on the merits of my craft, not on the merits of my familiarity.
>> No. 53126 edit
File 129797571250.png - (12.93KB , 700x700 , kan_majimea4.png )
53126
>>53125
Well, I think it's understandable with a long work, but if it's a short story I would give it a chance.
>>53124
Leave some food outside and wait for it.
>> No. 53127 edit
File 134076947047.jpg - (88.40KB , 1280x720 , snapshot_14_05.jpg )
53127
>>53116
>>53117
Pain killers are working wonders for me today.

>>53123
Hiiiii.
>> No. 53128 edit
File 132871695734.png - (112.43KB , 295x600 , shizu_behind_smile.png )
53128
>>53126
In any case I should find stock pictures and stock music for my current VN work. Musician bailed on me and it doesn't look like I'll be able to find one timely, and schools're closed so there's no one to take any pictures whatsoever for me.
>> No. 53129 edit
File 12960010444.png - (79.80KB , 320x468 , ros_defa1.png )
53129
>>53125
Nothing to apologize for. Like you, I want people to read and enjoy a piece I wrote based on its contents alone. Not that they read it because we know each other, or for them to feel they have to read it on account of friendship or companionship.

I dropped Of Love and You halfway through, so I say we are even.
>> No. 53130 edit
File 132862026489.png - (129.73KB , 295x600 , shizu_adjust_smug.png )
53130
>>53129
I'll be the first to admit Of Love and You is pretty much shit.
>> No. 53131 edit
File 134246948551.png - (218.74KB , 343x633 , s028_1aa5aa_000_l_睡眠2_反転.png )
53131
Why do I always feel so tired when I've only been up for a few hours.
>> No. 53132 edit
>>53127

Hii
>> No. 53133 edit
File 132871821934.png - (130.99KB , 295x600 , shizu_adjust_blush.png )
53133
>Rosa comment
At first I was all "omg", but then I was all "wait, he's right".

You'll probably be happy to hear NVList Short has very, very few lines of narration. I'm rather happy with it, so I'll share a piece of it as a show of confidence.

“Oh, of course. Here you go.”
She hastily checks the phone a little, then smiles when everything looks to work.
Huh, she’s actually cute when she smiles.
“Thanks, Rody. I’m not… I was worried it was broken. Thank heavens it isn’t. I only just got it.”
“I didn’t take you for the type.”
“Huh?”
“Well, you take to yourself a lot. A phone’s pretty reliant on talking with others…”
Er, crap, what am I saying?
“It’s not like I don’t have anyone to talk to.
“There’s my mum, my uncle, and I have a few friends from the book club.”
“You’re in a book club? That doesn’t surprise me.”
“Ah, well… I, I guess not.”
“Anyway, er, I should get going.”
“Huh? … Oh! Your soccer practice.”
“Yeah. The coach’s gonna make me run laps now. Twenty, I bet.”
“All because of me, isn’t it? I’m sorry, it’s my fault, if I hadn’t…”
“It’s not your fault. I decided on my own to help you look for it. Don’t sweat it.
“Besides, it’s good for my health, I think… running is healthy, right?”
“Uh, I think so…?”
“Anyway, I need to go. Uh, talk to you later!”
“Y, yeah. Talk to you later.”
Aaah, I’m totally late. The coach’s gonna be livid. Maybe I should just skip?

>> No. 53134 edit
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53134
>>53133
... I should cut the line starting with, "Er, crap", because it's just cutting up dialogue needlessly. I should just add an "er" to the end of the line preceding it.
>> No. 53135 edit
File 13331799686.gif - (537.58KB , 480x270 , 1322170868441.gif )
53135
>>53134

you should also reduce the huh frequency ne
>> No. 53136 edit
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53136
>> No. 53137 edit
File 132870940147.png - (156.54KB , 430x600 , shizu_basic_happy_close.png )
53137
I found some Irish Whiskey. Wheeeeeeeeee i'm gonna sleeep i feel dizzy ohgod
>> No. 53138 edit
>>53137
Good night, silly.
>> No. 53139 edit
File 129622297751.png - (80.45KB , 320x467 , ros_komarua1.png )
53139
>>53133
>>53134
I would keep that line it, except cut out the 'er' It sounds unnatural. I don't know many people who say 'er' in their mind. 'Crap, what am I saying.' doesn't bog it down, rather it gives the reader more of a connection to the character and the story.

Also ask yourself and others, how many of them say 'huh' or speak some of the lines the characters speak. Ask yourself is this something I could over-hear some random person say. Some of the dialogue doesn't sound all that natural to me.

Also, frankly the scene reminds me of when I used to take acting classes and we would be talking about improv. Of when the acting teacher would yell out "Stop! You only have 5 exchanges. You shouldn't go;
Hi Billy.
Hi Jean.
How are the kids?
They are good.
It looks like it is going to rain.
That is 5 exchanges and you just lulled us to sleep. You don't just go 'blah' 'bla-bla-blah' Get some action, excitement, intrigue us in just those 5 lines."

Now this isn't acting, and we don't just throw in drama for excitement's sake. But my point is, that this exchange sounds pretty much like the above example. It just sounds like 'hi, how are you? good you? I'm fine. etc.' It frankly just isn't very interesting to read.

Tighten the piece up, the dialogue needs to draw in and interest the reader, and a conversation needs to just be as long as needed to get the emotional and story points needed. Don't drag on a conversation, it just starts to sound dull after a while. Also, unneeded words can really slow a conversation down.
>> No. 53140 edit
File 134222707055.jpg - (38.61KB , 251x263 , Spike.jpg )
53140
>>53133
I'd say the biggest problem is probably, as Rosa said, is how unnatural the conversation does feel.
Try to act your conversation, either out loud or in your head, it's easier to see what's wrong in it. Make your dialogue the more natural sounding possible ( except if it's due to the way the characters are or some events, obviously ), it's really the most important thing to do. Always reread yourself and improve your wordings.
I'd also recommend thinking what emotions the character feels and the intonation they take, and try putting it in the phrase.
I say this because some of your sentences just feel flat, as a reader, I'm able to deduce their emotions only by the context and with some guessing.
A good example would be this phrase :
> “You're in a book club? That doesn't surprise me.”
There is absolutely no intonation in the way this sentence is formed. Of course, there's not always a need of intonation, but I'd recommend really thinking about it. Since this is a VN you're writing, there's always the use of sprites and the like to help conveys emotions, but it's usually not enough.
Intonations can also help you reduce all these onomatopoeias "huh" "urg" and the like.
Also, if you can change the way the text is displayed in a sentence, do it, suspension marks at a lower speed can easily be used in place of "huh".

>>53139
I don't think the length of the conversation is really an issue. Dragging out too much can be an issue, but a little padding doesn't hurt. I'd say padding is like salt : too much and it's vomit-inducing, not at all and you feel like something's missing.

Ah yeah, try to not repeat yourself, be it in the words, the conversation or anything at all. Seriously. It's your worst enemy as a writer.

Finally, in the same way that mustn't repeat in a story, try to make a point to your situations, conversations, etc. What I mean is that you must make the story go forward. It can be slow, even really slow, but it is important.
And by " making the story go forward ", I don't mean that it has to make the main plot itself advance. It can simply be characters having fun, expanding side-characters, some backstory, some simply for the fun wacky scene. Just something new that "expand" the setting is good.
Well, of course don't side-track too much either. It can be as bad as repeating yourself.

That's all my arrogant self has to say for now. I probably don't know what the hell I'm talking about in the end, but heh.
>> No. 53141 edit
File 134301198749.gif - (2.71MB , 240x160 , hi.gif )
53141
hi
>> No. 53142 edit
File 132484596124.png - (119.70KB , 352x480 , but_aserua1.png )
53142
>>53139
Billy and Jean, huh?
>> No. 53143 edit
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53143
>>53142
>>53141
Hi
>> No. 53144 edit
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53144
>>53143
Have you played the voice patch yet?
>> No. 53145 edit
File 129599641767.png - (85.73KB , 291x478 , kan_komarua134.png )
53145
>>53144
Yeah, got it working with your instructions. Couldn't make it work without the backgrounds, the .txt kinda confusing.

>Hey, you can't read it rite
>Yes you, non japanese scum
>Ok, his name's Rudolf
>> No. 53146 edit
File 131755795684.png - (119.53KB , 352x480 , but_niramua3.png )
53146
>>53145
The .txt must be from an old version or something, since it doesn't realize there's an arc4. If you read the start of episode 2, Shannon and George's date, it looks like George doesn't really exercise. However, it seems that he's not fat either, just that he has to be careful or he will be.

I think you'll find Maria can be really annoying now that you can hear all her uu-uu. The voiced UUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO and ARGHAAKKKKAAHAHRIEGEOH or whatever they say when they're screaming this time can get annoying as well. Also, some characters are really quiet, hard to hear properly even at 50% BGM volume. I've found Genji to be this way, and unfortunately it seems like Beatrice can be too, and Bernkastel.

When she's not putting on airs of elegance I'm sure she gets louder, but I was looking forward to her parts. It's a shame.
>> No. 53147 edit
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53147
>>53140
I think you misunderstood a little. When I was talking about length, I was talking about weedy words.

Huh? …Oh! Your soccer practice.”
“Yeah. The coach’s gonna make me run laps now. Twenty, I bet.

In my opinion the above words are unneeded and the flow is better with them removed. There are other places where I feel if words, or even whole statements are removed the flow would go better.

It is important to remember that just because it is dialogue does not mean it is under a magic spell that makes it interesting. It must be carefully crafted in a way to be interesting.

>>53142
My acting teacher was more talking about, telling the audience, Who, Where, and Why, in 5 exchanges, and but also be interesting and full of action, (Since blah blah talking is boring in acting) Which is harder than it sounds, to tell who you both are in the scene, and your relationship, where you both are, and why you are there and what you are doing, and make it full of action and interest.
>> No. 53148 edit
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53148
>>53146
Really? Maybe he took the classes but didn't like them.
About the voices, I think listening with headphones can help with that.
>> No. 53149 edit
File 131755526636.png - (117.46KB , 352x480 , but_futekia1.png )
53149
>>53148
Well, I don't even have speakers. I'm always using headphones.

A pair I only have thanks to the audiophile Luci.
>> No. 53150 edit
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53150
>>53149
I see, are they some kind of expensive headphones? I like mine, but I guess Luci would say they are shit or something.
>> No. 53152 edit
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53152
>>53151
>> No. 53153 edit
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53153
>>53150
Indeed they are. Though I wonder how much I get out of them without a sound card that isn't inbuilt.

Well, they're fine. I don't really regret the purchase. Unlike this overpriced keyboard, also Luci's doing.
>> No. 53154 edit
File 129606422256.png - (85.38KB , 291x478 , kan_defa2.png )
53154
>>53153
I see, mine costed me $90, and I consider that pretty expensive already. My keyboard is cheap though, I got a keyboard + mouse wireless set for $25.
>> No. 53155 edit
File 134259943295.png - (119.85KB , 352x480 , but_nayamua2.png )
53155
>>53154
My mouse is pretty expensive, too. All those buttons I rarely ever use. Well, I once used them pretty often, but since my last format and reinstall, which was quite some time ago now, I haven't got around to reinstalling the drivers, so it's gone to waste. Jeez, I can sometimes be really frivolous with my spending.

As for me, because I'm feeling lazy right now, I'll go back to reading. After all, there's auto mode.
>> No. 53156 edit
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53156
>>53155
Fancy mouse? Did you use it to play MMORPGS or something?
>> No. 53157 edit
File 131755734083.png - (116.79KB , 352x480 , but_futekia4.png )
53157
>>53156
Certainly, I spent a fair amount of my youth on MMOs.

Now, I think that's well and truly behind me. It's are too social a genre.
>> No. 53158 edit
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53158
So when Shannon first meets with Beatrice in episode 2, Beatrice repeats words only Shannon and Eva can possibly know.
>> No. 53159 edit
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53159
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1WS-MFL7PU
>> No. 53161 edit
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53161
>>53160
>> No. 53162 edit
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53162
>>53158
>that filename
>> No. 53163 edit
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53163
>> No. 53164 edit
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53164
>>53163
hi
>> No. 53165 edit
File 132865985644.png - (191.43KB , 430x600 , shizu_adjust_smug_close.png )
53165
>Get warned for personal attack on Lemma Soft
I'm not even remorseful, bitch had it coming.
>> No. 53166 edit
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53166
>>53165
>> No. 53167 edit
File 134305620190.jpg - (91.75KB , 1280x720 , pewpew.jpg )
53167
>> No. 53168 edit
File 134305735087.jpg - (725.59KB , 499x1000 , Ushiromiya_Lion_full_961763.jpg )
53168
I am Home.
>> No. 53169 edit
File 132866922149.png - (163.06KB , 430x600 , shizu_behind_frustrated_close.png )
53169
So my brother had a stash of Irish Whiskey I discovered, and I think I like it too much.
>> No. 53170 edit
File 132585902374.jpg - (12.34KB , 124x105 , georgedyuu.jpg )
53170
>>53168

wb ne

>>53169

What kind of responsible adult are you supposed to be again
>> No. 53171 edit
File 134305863164.png - (163.02KB , 430x600 , shizu_behind_frown_close.png )
53171
>>53170
Super responsible, I just... have a drinking problem.
>> No. 53172 edit
File 132865985644.png - (191.43KB , 430x600 , shizu_adjust_smug_close.png )
53172
It's not that I'm fainting left and right or am poisoning myself so it's all right, it's all right! As they say, booze stimulates the brain!
>> No. 53173 edit
>>53168
lkkiiiiiiiiiiiiiionnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
>> No. 53174 edit
File 129782095236.png - (7.32KB , 124x105 , georgebu.png )
53174
>>53171
>>53172

Are you even big enough to metabolize that.
>> No. 53175 edit
>>53174
omg pimp
>> No. 53176 edit
File 134306109690.png - (200.54KB , 874x600 , shizu_out_serious_close.png )
53176
>>53174
Deal with it.
>> No. 53177 edit
File 129876893043.png - (3.96KB , 175x169 , sakutarou_hehg.png )
53177
I like my alcohol like I like my women.
Sweet, not bitter.
>> No. 53178 edit
>>53177
dats ssso gy
>> No. 53179 edit
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53179
>>53178
Meanie.
>> No. 53181 edit
File 131065578884.png - (191.98KB , 400x500 , p3.png )
53181
>>53180
>> No. 53182 edit
>>53179
u kno im just jk
xoxo gossip girl
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